


Dreaming Half A World Away (Right Under Your Nose)

by roebling



Category: B.A.P, K-pop, Secret (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Real World, F/M, Fic Exchange, Romantic Comedy, Roommates, TheBrownieBunch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-25 03:06:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/947878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roebling/pseuds/roebling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Han Sunhwa is overworked and stuck in a rut, longing for romance in distant places. When her long-time roommate Youngjae lets slip that he's applying to graduate school overseas, it's a shock. The last thing she needs is something else to worry about. That's the only reason she's upset -- right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dreaming Half A World Away (Right Under Your Nose)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [haneure](http://haneure.livejournal.com/) for the second round of [TheBrownieBunch B.A.P fic exchange!!](http://thebrowniebunch.livejournal.com/) This is kind of a smoosh of all of your prompts -- I hope you enjoy it. 
> 
> Thank you so much to [almostblue](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalaspect/pseuds/almostblue) and [haneyon](http://archiveofourown.org/users/haneyon/pseuds/haneyon) for all of their help with this one <333 They provided hugely important feedback. I did most of the line edits myself so if you see any typos be sure to let me know (in a non-condescending way :))

Sao Paulo.

Warm night air. City lights. Palm trees rustling in the breeze. Old stone buildings. Frozen drinks decorated with flowers. Tan, handsome men in dark suits. Beaches. Dancing.

Sunhwa’s never left Korea, but she’s seen pictures. Last year, Changmin brought her back a little model of the cathedral in a snow globe. It sits on her desk next to the mug he brought her from Rome the year before. It’s a little crooked. Sunhwa pushes it back into place. Shimmery glitter coats the plastic palm trees.

“Well?”

“Ah, I’m sorry, Isanim,” Sunhwa says. She bows her head. “There are still no direct flights from Incheon to Sao Paulo, but I can get you on a flight that connects in London.”

Lee Kwannam frowns. He’s prematurely middle aged, with a heavy, drooping forehead. He wouldn’t be one of the managing partners at the firm if he weren’t the nephew of the chairman. “I’ll have to stay over, then.” His red nose wrinkles. “Make sure it’s a nice hotel, this time.”

Sunhwa blinks. Last time he flew to Sao Paulo he connected in Abu Dhabi. The hotel he stayed in had cost 1,500,000 won a night.

“I’ll make sure, Isanim,” she murmurs. Her grip on her mouse is iron tight.

He looks unconvinced. Sunhwa smiles harder. His eyes narrow, but apparently he's made her life miserable enough for the day. After one more disdaining look, he leaves.

Sunhwa exhales. She pulls up the travel portal ... Incheon to San Paulo, with a connection in London. It would be much cheaper to connect in Kuwait, but who is she to suggest that they actually try to stay within the company's cost guidelines? Sometimes she just wants to take these spoiled, entitled idiots she works for and shake them …

“No flying carpet yet?”

Changmin leans against the wall that divides Sunhwa’s cubicle from Jieun’s.

“Not yet.” She scrolls through the flight listings. “Lee Isanim wouldn’t approve, anyway. It would ruin his hair.”

Lee Kwannam is all but bald. He combs his fringe over ambitiously, but you can see his shiny scalp through the wisps of hair.

"We can’t have that." Changmin grins. Even after all this time it makes Sunhwa swoon a little. He’s got this adorable button nose and these slightly unruly eyebrows and these ears that jut out and …

“What? Do I have something in my teeth?”

Sunhwa shakes her head. “Sorry. I started thinking about Isanim’s combover flapping in the wind.”

Changmin laughs, loud enough that some of the secretaries in the cubicles across the aisle look up. “That’s why I like you, Sunhwa.” He shakes his head, delighted.

Sunhwa looks up, beaming …

And Changmin has already walked away.

Sunhwa sighs. She wonders how much Lee Kwannam will complain if he has to spend a night in the London Heathrow Holiday Inn (“The mattress could have been a medieval torture instrument and the shower was ‘a trial by ice’ at best, but they had good black pudding at the hot breakfast.”)

She smiles and books the room. She's gonna hear about it when he gets back for sure, but sometimes it's the little things that make this job bearable.

*****

Youngjae turns the burner down. The kimchi bokkeumbap is done. Any longer and it'll burn. The side dishes have been laid out and the table is set. The clock ticking over the sink shows it’s quarter to eight.

Sunhwa still isn’t home.

That’s not unusual. She stays as late at that stupid job of hers as they ask. Still, Friday nights are the only night Youngjae doesn’t have class, and even though it’s not something planned out he tries to make dinner before Sunhwa gets home. She tries to get home so that they can eat together. It's a little bit of a celebration, before the weekend. She likes to joke that Youngjae has to cook to earn his keep, but he thinks … well, maybe that’s all there is to it. Either way, he still likes it.

Youngjae’s stomach grumbles. He didn’t get to take lunch at work today; Daehyun called out sick and he’d had to work straight through. He’s really hungry, but he'll wait.

He gets his organizational theory book from his bag and sits down on the couch. He’s got one semester left before he gets his degree in management. After that … well, he’s got to get through the semester first, and this organizational theory stuff is kicking his ass.

He opens to Chapter 10: Bureaucratic Leadership and Organizational Malaise and starts to read ...

“Yah! Yoo Youngjae!”

Youngjae blinks. Sunhwa is standing over him, hands on her hips.

It seems the bureaucracy put him to sleep. He sits up, and rolls his shoulders. “You had to stay late again, nuna?”

Sunhwa nods her head. She even looks tired. Her red hair has drooped out of the loose curls she puts it in, and her skin is even paler than normal. “What are you doing wearing that apron again?”

Youngjae glances down at himself. He’s wearing an apron - Sunhwa’s apron, which is red with white polka dots and has frills along the neckline.

“I didn’t want to get my shirt dirty,” he says. “It’s hard to get oil stains out.”

Sunhwa shakes her head. “I’m going to buy you a ‘man of the house’ apron,” she says. 

Youngjae rolls his eyes. “Am I the man of the house?”

Sunhwa wrinkles her nose. “Please.”

Youngjae gets up and, with the apron on, gets the bokkeambap from the stove. “Dinner is ready,” he says.

“Mmm,” Sunhwa says. “I hope it’s better than the curry you made last week.”

Youngjae bites his lip. He’s not exactly a professional chef, but at least he _tries_. Sunhwa loves to cook and is good at it (he still remembers the amazing pasta she made for his birthday last year) but she never has enough time. “It’s better,” he says. “I made bokkeumbap.”

“At least you can do that well,” Sunhwa agrees. "One of these days I'm going to have to teach you how to cook."

She's been threatening that for years.

They sit down to eat at the tiny kitchen table, passing the side dishes without saying a word. Youngjae’s really hungry now, and if he ever felt self-conscious eating in front of Sunhwa, he got over that a long time ago.

“So, what did they make you stay late for today? Was the Queen of England late touching down at Incheon?”

Sunhwa grins. “If it were the Queen of England I’d be on twenty four hour detail.”

“Of course,” Youngjae mutters. Sunhwa is content to let these spoiled, awful business people walk all over her because they have to wait five minutes for a car, or because the hotel room is a degree too cold, or because there isn’t a bottle of sparkling water waiting for them when they get to the executive offices. She might be joking, but if they asked her to be on twenty four hour alert, she would be.

“It was a director from the Brazil branch,” Sunhwa says, reaching for another bite of seaweed. “His flight was early so the car wasn’t there, and he doesn’t speak Korean so someone had to stay to get it figured out.”

Youngjae shakes his head. “And that had to be you?”

Sunhwa frowns. “Hey. I know you think my job is silly, but it’s still my job. I keep a roof over our heads, don’t I?”

Youngjae nods. (Never mind that he pays her rent, every month, always on time - not a lot of rent, but still.) “I know, nuna. I know.”

Sunhwa sits back. “You should be more respectful. I work really hard and I know if I keep working hard someday Changmin is going to invite me to come with him on one of his office openings sometime soon and he’ll see how great I am and how he can’t manage without me and …”

Of course. Shim Changmin. 

Youngjae’s met Sunhwa’s boss a few times - once when they ran into him at a coffee shop, once when he had to bring Sunhwa an important file she’d forgotten. Sunhwa had patted Youngjae's head and introduced him as her ‘irritating dongsaeng’. Changmin is very handsome and, from what Sunhwa says, has achieved considerable successful at a young age based entirely on his own merit. And even having met him only a few times, Youngjae can't deny that he's friendly and charming.

Stupid boss.

“Maybe you should just start applying for another job,” he says, poking at his food.

Sunhwa huffs. “I’ve got a lot of time invested. It would be stupid to throw that away and start over someplace else. Besides, I _like_ my job. I have a future there, Youngjae.”

Every time, she says the same thing. “I know,” he says, annoyed.

“Someone had a bad day,” Sunhwa says. “What are you so grumpy about?”

Youngjae shrugs. “I’m not _grumpy_. I just had a long day at work, and then school, and I’m still trying to figure out what to write for my application essay for Melbourne Business School because it’s due in two …”

Just a moment too late, he realizes what he’s said. 

Sunhwa’s eyes go wide. She stares at him for a moment and then she says, “Oh. You’re applying there. That’s … that’s great.”

Fuck. Youngjae was going to tell her … he really was going to tell her. He hadn’t meant to tell her like this. He definitely hadn't planned to tell her this soon. “My parents really want me to, now that they’re there and hyung is there,” he says quietly. It does make sense. Since his father got transferred, his whole family is in Australia now, and he’s here all by himself. He misses them, but … “I’m probably not going to get in anyway. I’m probably going to end up staying here.”

Sunhwa makes a strange, little huffy noise. “Please. I’m sure you’re going to get in. Aren’t you always bragging about how well you do in school?”

“No, I …” Well, okay. Maybe he brags a little bit. “The application process is different,” he says, lamely, like that means anything.

She nods. “You’ll get in,” she says quietly. “You’re my genius dongsaeng, aren’t you?”

She smiles, but it’s a strange smile. Youngjae takes another bite of rice. Sunhwa just pushes hers around her plate, then stands up.

“Aren’t you going to finish eating?” Youngjae’s seen Sunhwa polish off three servings of his bokkeumbap before; tonight she hasn’t even finished one.

“I’m not hungry,” she says, not meeting his eyes. “Please let me know as soon as you find out if you’re accepted. I’ll need enough time to find a new roommate.” She blinks, and then grins, a shadow of the bright wide grin he knows so well. “And organize a party for you, of course.”

What can Youngjae say? He knows that he's only a lodger, and one she took unwillingly at that. She owed Himchan hyung a favor, and letting Youngjae rent her spare room had been her repayment. She’s been kinder to him than he had any reason to expect, but even so, after all this time, he’s just a roommate. When he’s gone, she’ll just find someone new. It would only be respectful of him to give her plenty of warning.

“I’ll let you know,” he says.

She nods. The door to her bedroom shuts loudly.

Youngjae sighs. He takes another bite of his food, but his appetite is gone. They’ll be plenty to bring for lunch tomorrow, at least. He gets up and starts to do the dishes, mechanical and unthinking. He’s tired, and he feels really far away from everyone. His parents are thousands of miles and four years removed, and Sunhwa … well she’s just a few dozen meters away, behind a shut door, but somehow she seems even further.

*****

"Is the coast clear?"

Jieun pokes her head around the corner. "All clear!"

Quick as she can in her heels, Sunhwa dashes down the hall to the elevator. Jieun is right behind her. She can hear someone coming down the hall, back to the reception desk. As soon as Jieun is in the elevator, Sunhwa jams the 'Door Close' button hard.

She can hear someone call 'Can you please hold the …' just as the doors slide shut.

She exhales and slumps against the wall of the elevator. "I'm a terrible person," she says.

Jieun shakes her head. "No, you're not," she says. "You deserve to get to eat your lunch without getting interrogated about the travel schedule of every partner in this stupid place.

Sunhwa nods. It's not her fault she knows everyone's schedule. Travel is her _job_. But the secretarial staff likes to grill her about when their bosses are going to be traveling so they don't make the mistake of taking vacation at the same time. Nobody wants to miss a day boss-free in the office.

"If I were you," Jieun says, hands clasped behind her back, "I'd have figured out some way to monetize this information."

Sunhwa shakes her head. "You're awful," she says. "That's absolutely against the code of conduct."

Jieun rolls her eyes. "Please, Sunhwa. Nobody's going to care if Hyunwoo buys you a coffee because you tell him when his boss is going to be out. They'll probably just think he's got a crush on you."

Sunhwa frowns. "He doesn't have a crush on me." Hyunwoo is very nice, but … he doesn't have a crush on her.

Jieun shakes her head. Her ponytail swishes. "I know that," she says. "But come on, you're kidding me with this 'code of conduct' stuff. You wouldn't be doing anything _wrong_. Not really."

"I know," Sunhwa says. "Fine, next time I'll get Hyunwoo to buy me coffee before I tell him anything."

Jieun smiles. "Good, and don't forget your best buddy and cubicle-neighbor Song Jieun, alright? I like my coffee black."

The elevator door slides open. The lobby is sleek, cold, and empty. Their building is fifty stories tall, but funnily enough nobody ever seems to be down here. Their shoes click-click against the tile floor. Outside, the sunlight is bright. Sunhwa blinks, and slips on her sunglasses.

It's a bright, clear afternoon, still winter but with spring starting to stir. The sky is blue and the clouds are white and puffy, and back when she was just some dumb kid in Busan thinking about coming to Seoul, Sunhwa had thought about something a lot like this.

She and Jieun sit down at the same bench where they eat lunch every day. It's tucked away to the side - not exactly private, but better than it could be. Jieun takes out her lunchbox. Sunhwa takes her sandwich from her bag and unwraps it. It's a little smashed, but it's not like that's going to make it taste any differently. She takes a bite. Nope, same old ham sandwich.

"What's wrong with you today?" Jieun asks. 

Sunhwa shrugs. "Nothing, really." 

And nothing is wrong. She's sitting in the sun with her good friend, and when she's done with her lunch she'll take the elevators back upstairs to her tidy cubicle. She's even in the outer row, so she can turn around and look out at the whole city sprawling at their feet. And after work, she can go to a movie, or get a coffee, or … well, she can do anything she wants.

Jieun shakes her head. "Yah, Han Sunhwa, you can't fool me. What's wrong?"

Sunhwa shakes her head. "I'm just thinking," she says. Then she remembers something. "Hey, Jieunnie, are you still thinking of moving?"

Jieun freezes, mid-chew. "What? Why? What's wrong with Youngjae?"

Sunhwa rolls her eyes. Jieun always gets so weird when she brings up Youngjae, like he's not just some kid she's renting a room to. "Nothing's wrong with him. He's fine. He just had a physical." (Sunhwa made him schedule one after he kept putting it off.) "He's just … he's going to be done with school soon and I think he's going to move to Australia."

She puts her sandwich down.

Jieun is staring at her with huge eyes. "He's moving to Australia?"

Sunhwa shrugs. "His family is there," she says. "I guess it makes sense."

Jieun narrows her eyes. "You know that for sure or are you just making stuff up?"

Sunhwa shakes her head. "No, he said something last night. He's been planning it for a while."

Jieun sits back. "Wow. Wow. I need to call Hyosung unni."

Sunhwa rolls her eyes. "What? No you don't. Why would you do that?" She blinks. "Wait, is Hyosung moving? Does she need a place to live?"

Jieun sighs. "Sometimes, Sunhwa, you are the most ..."

"What? What!" It's her home! Of course she wants to find a good roommate - not that Youngjae was an especially great roommate or anything. It's just that after putting up with him for so long she's used to him, and all of his stupid habits. She doesn't even mind when he puts the cereal in alphabetical order, and she's broken him of his habit of leaving the toilet seat up. If she's going to have to re-train someone she's got to make sure they're in it for the long haul.

"Wow," Jieun says again. "You're really something."

"What?" Sunhwa wrinkles her nose. "Listen, just forget I said anything, you weirdo. I'll find a roommate on my own."

Jieun shakes her head. "I'm sure you will, honey, but where are you going to find another Youngjae?"

 

*****

"You're really dumb," Daehyun says.

Youngjae squeezes his eyes shut. "I didn't mean to," he mumbles. "It just came out. I was excited."

"She probably feels awful now," Daehyun continues. "I mean, she puts up with your stupid ass for four years and then you drop a bomb on her about moving to another _continent_ totally out of the blue."

"It was an accident," Youngjae mutters. "And she doesn't feel awful. She doesn't _care_. She's just annoyed because she's gotta find a new roommate now."

Himchan comes in from the front room, where he's been flirting with a customer. He takes his role as manager very important, although the all know he only wanted a fancier name badge. "Kids, what's the problem? Aren't you supposed to be unpacking the new shipment?"

Youngjae nods. "Sorry, hyung." He drops to his knees and starts sorting through the box of jewel cases. Reluctantly, Daehyun joins him. They were going to get everything unpacked; it's not like there's going to be any huge run on imported CDs in the next half hour.

Himchan crosses his arms over his chest and leans back against the counter. He watches silently for a while, and then he says, "Really, though, what's the gossip? Spill."

Daehyun tuts, annoyed. "This idiot told Sunhwa that he was going to go to grad school in Australia."

"Ooooh," Himchan says. "Bad move, Youngjae."

Youngjae tries to figure out whether he should put the !!! cd he's holding in the punctuation pile or the 'C' pile. He settles on punctuation - the pronunciation is subjective, anyway. "Would you both stop it? You know … You know it doesn't matter. Sunhwa doesn't like me _like that_. She's never going to like me like that."

Himchan shrugs. "Well, if you're the same ball of sunshine at home that you are around us I can't say I blame her." Daehyun punches Himchan in the shin. "Ouch!"

"You're supposed to be encouraging him, hyung!" Daehyun sits back on his heels. "Youngjae, you've got to do something more romantic than cooking her dinner once in a while. You've got to make your intentions known. Who knows? She wouldn't have put up with you as a roommate for all this time if she really thought you were totally a bossy, nerdy loser."

Youngjae wrinkles his nose. "Thanks, Daehyun - really. No, I don't think she totally hates me. I told you. She's got a huge crush on her boss, and he's like, a perfect guy - " Himchan starts to interrupt (probably to point out how anyone would pale in light of _his_ perfection), but Youngjae isn't in the mood for it - "I've met him. He's tall, and handsome, and really nice, and he wears a suit to work."

Himchan perks up. "You could wear a suit to work. We all could. Should I ask Bbang if we can make that the new uniform?"

Youngjae grabs a stack of CDs and stands up. "You guys are terrible friends. Aren't you supposed to be making me feel better?"

Himchan shrugs, ambivalent.

"We are," Daehyun says. "We're trying to make you feel better by making you realize that you need to tell Sunhwa that you like her in more than the 'gee, roomie, I cleaned the bathroom for you today' way."

"I know it's your mission to get me to make an idiot out of myself," Youngjae mutters, "but not this time, Daehyun. Sorry. I'm gonna go shelve these."

He leaves them muttering to each other at the counter and goes to the back of the store where the A-C rack is.

It's not like Daehyun is wrong. He does like Sunhwa, for reasons he can't really explain. She's tall and she's beautiful and she mothers him terribly and she teases him when he makes bad jokes but never in a mean way and he'd rather spend a thousand boring Tuesday nights eating cheap food with her at their stupid kitchen table than even one night in some fancy restaurant with the most beautiful woman in the world.

But it doesn't matter, because he's just her dongsaeng. He's not going to kid himself into thinking he's anything else to her.

*****

"Yah! I was watching that!" Sunhwa jabs her toes into Youngjae's side. He squirms.

"You were not," he says, setting the remote even further away.

Sunhwa has no leads on new roommates, but then it's only been a week since Youngjae told her. He hasn't brought it up either. She knows she it's not the responsible thing, but … well, she has time, and she'll ignore it for now.

"You're doing _homework_ ," Sunhwa says. "Aren't you supposed to be concentrating on that?"

Youngjae shrugs. "I like having background noise." He nearly always wears contacts, but tonight he has on his glasses - thick black frames that are a little too big for his face. He pushes them back up the bridge of his nose. "You were painting your nails!"

"But I was listening," Sunhwa says. And she had been listening - Sihyun had been about to confess his undying love to Eunna, after forty-seven episodes. "Youngjae-ya! Give me back the remote!"

Youngjae makes a face - nostrils flared, cheeks puffed - and slides the remote back down the table.

"Don't make that face," Sunhwa says. "It makes you look like a donkey."

"Hey!" Youngjae frowns, but he keeps his face straight.

"Yes, that's much better," Sunhwa says, flipping the channel back to her drama, and uncapping the bottle of nail polish again. "You should listen to nuna. I'm just looking out for you. You want to find a girlfriend, right?"

Youngjae hunches his shoulders and turns back to his book.

Sunhwa rolls her eyes. It's not weird; this is the kind of thing she'd say to her brother, too, if she were still back in Busan. "Hey! Don't get embarrassed with me. Of course you want a girlfriend. You're smart and you're tall enough and you're not the worst looking guy in the world. If you didn't act like such a dummy I bet you'd have tons of girls asking you out."

Youngjae swallows - she can see his throat move. He is silent though. On the television, the main characters embrace and the romantic music dips and swells. Sunhwa's got the nail polish brush in one hand, but she just stares, waiting for Youngjae to say something.

He doesn't.

Her stomach sinks. "Hey, listen," she says. "I was just teasing you. You can make your stupid face look however you like, Youngjae. I don't care if you don't have a girlfriend. There's nothing wrong with not dating. Look at me …"

"I know," he says. His eyes are wide and he's biting his lower lip. "I know that," he says. "Sorry. I was just … that problem was really hard. I got … distracted."

Sunhwa frowns. Even if she didn't know Youngjae like the back of her hand she'd be able to tell that he was lying. "Oookay," she says. "Sorry. I'll just let you concentrate on your fascinating microeconomics homework, then."

She leans over and returns her attention to her hands. She can hear Youngjae breathing, hear the scratch of his pen against the paper, hear the rustle when he turns the page.

It's funny, but there are plenty of girls at the office around Youngjae's age. She could probably set him up on a date with any one of them. She likes to mess with him, but he is all those things she said. The stupid girls at the office would be _lucky_ to date Youngjae.

"I will set you up on a date," she says. “If you want. With someone I work with, I mean."

She paints the nail of her pinky finger, and looks up.

Youngjae frowns. "I don't want that," he says. "I just … I'm just focusing on my studies now, nuna." His tone is quiet and formal.

"Oh," Sunhwa says. Of course. "That's … I mean, good. That's what you should be doing."

Youngjae nods, and turns back to his book. 

Sunhwa puts her nail polish away and watches the rest of the drama in silence. When it's over, she decides to call it an early night and go to bed. She goes into her room and changes into her pajamas. She washes her face and turns off the light. But she doesn't sleep: she just lies there in the dark, thinking about how much quieter her evenings are going to be once Youngjae's not there to sit on the other end of the couch and make snarky comments about her dramas, once he's not there to make stupid puff-cheeked faces when he gets frustrated about his homework, when he's not there at all …

*****

It's raining. Water drips down from the metal roof that covers the back of the shop. Youngjae tucks his feet under himself - he'd rather be uncomfortable than have wet shoes. Daehyun sits beside him, systematically demolishing his second sandwich. 

Youngjae brought the lunch that Sunhwa packed for him, but he's not hungry. He's got too much on his mind.

"I did it," he says.

Daehyun's eyes go huge. "What? You did what? With who? Sunhwa nuna?"

Youngjae punches him. "Not that, you idiot. What's wrong with you?"

Daehyun coughs, his eyes watery. "Hey," he says. "Watch it. You're gonna make me choke. And nothing's wrong with me: you and Sunhwa have been making googly eyes at each other for at least three years - it's not that much of a stretch, dude."

"You keep imagining that, Daehyun. It's not gonna make it real."

Daehyun shakes his head. "Fine. What did you do, then?"

Youngjae sighs. "I mailed in my application."

Daehyun, uncharacteristically, has nothing to say. "Woah," he says at last. "You're really gonna do it, huh?"

Youngjae shrugs. "I told my mom I'd apply. They let me stay here for school, even though I was only seventeen. I haven't even seen her since last summer. I owe them that, at least."

"You're totally gonna do it," Daehyun says. "Wow."

"I might not even get in," Youngjae says, annoyed. It's not like he even _knows_ yet, and Daehyun's acting like he's got his plane tickets in hand.

Daehyun takes another bite of his sandwich. "Okay," he says, mouth full. "So if you get in, what are you going to do?"

Youngjae shrugs again.

"You're gonna go," Daehyun says. "I know it."

Youngjae kicks at the ground. Daehyun can be such an irritating little asshole sometimes. "Hey," he says. "I said I don't know. And anyway, if I got in, what would be wrong with going? It's a really good school. My _family_ is there."

Daehyun nods. "I know that," he says. He eats his sandwich pensively. "Just … so, say you get in. Don't you think you'll regret it if you go to Australia and you never once ask Sunhwa on a date? You've been head over heels for her for years."

Youngjae knows he's got a terrible, pathetic, awful crush. He can't help it. He'd like to see Daehyun spend as much time as he does with Sunhwa and not fall in love with her. He'd like to see anyone. He's not sure it's possible. She's just … she's awesome.

"I guess," he admits. "But she's not going to go on a date with me. I told you. She just thinks of me as a dongsaeng. She's got a crush on her boss."

Daehyun shakes his head. "You're really sad. I don't know how you've spent this much time around Himchan hyung and are still so innocent. If she sees you as a dongsaeng, then you've gotta make her see you as a man."

That sounds … awful, actually. "Ugh," Youngjae says. "I think _you've_ been spending too much time with Himchan hyung."

Daehyun shakes his head. "Hear me out," he says. "I don't mean you have to be sleazy. You just need to flirt with her a little bit."

Youngjae doesn't _flirt_. The last time he went on a date was in middle school. It's not like he's got tons of free time, between work and school and then, for the last few years, there's always been Sunhwa, hovering like a soft light in the periphery of his vision and making all the other girls he talks to dim and drab in comparison.

"I don't think I can do that," he says, annoyed. He tosses his lunch back in the bag, and stands up.

Daehyun sighs. "Just trust me on this one," he says. "You need Himchan hyung’s help. You’re going to regret it if you don’t do anything."

From the sounds of it, Youngjae's going to regret it if he does, too, but he knows a lost cause when he sees one. 

"Fine," he says. "What am I supposed to do?"

*****

Youngjae picks up a box of cereal, studies it, and puts it back down. He frowns, and glances left and then right. He picks up another box of cereal.

“Hey,” Sunhwa says. “What’s wrong with you?”

Youngjae glances up, nervous. “Nothing’s wrong with me,” he says. He scans the back of the box of Fruit Loops. They must not be what he’s looking for, either.

Something is definitely up. Sunhwa’s gone food shopping with Youngjae tons of times, and he’s never been the least bit interested in _what_ they buy - as long as it’s edible. She forces him come just so she doesn’t have to carry all the bags home herself.

Sunhwa shakes her head. She doesn’t have the time or energy to worry about Youngjae’s sudden cereal fixation. She’s had to stay late at work all week, and she knows she’s going to have to next week as well.

She picks up a box of regular old corn flakes and puts them in the basket.

Youngjae is still staring at the shelves, a bright box for some sweet marshmallow-y kid's cereal in his hand.

“What are you doing?” Sometimes this kid is more trouble than he’s worth.

Youngjae glances up, quick. He pushes his floppy brown hair out of his face, and puckers his lips.

“Nuuuuuu-na, will you buy me this cereal please?” He bats his eyelashes. His cheeks are red.

Youngjae’s a weird kid but she’s never seen him do anything as weird as this. “... Are you drunk?” 

His face falls back into a much more customary scowl. He shoves the box back onto the shelf.

“Never mind,” he mumbles.

“Really, are you drunk? What’s wrong with you?” Sunhwa frowns. “Do you have a fever?” She puts her hands on his forehead, but no, he’s got no temperature.

Youngjae bats her hand away. “Nothing, nothing,” he says. “Sorry. Just forget it. Buy whatever you want.”

She thinks about his puckered lips, his fluttering lashes. She's seen those moves before, in dramas and on the faces of some of the young, ridiculous people she works with. “Youngjae, were you trying to be … cute?”

His cheeks turn immediately red. “No,” he says immediately. “I just …” He won’t meet her eyes. “Himchan was …”

Sunhwa shakes her head. “I thought you had more sense than to listen to Kim Himchan.”

Youngjae frowns. “I thought so too,” he says. 

“Besides,” Sunhwa says, “if you want to act cute for someone you know it’s never going to work on me. Remember last winter when you got that stomach flu. You must have thrown up twenty times. You were practically green. You need to find someone who hasn’t seen you looking like a zombie.”

He sighs, and his shoulders sag. Honestly, she thinks it’s adorable that he’s trying to learn how to act cute, but he’s got to find someone who might possibly be impressed and isn’t going to think he looks ridiculous right off the bat. Maybe she really should set him up on a date with one of the girls at work; they’re probably the sort that will find that goofy, giggly act endearing. She grins to herself, and starts to walk down the aisle towards the snacks.

Youngjae doesn’t follow. Sunhwa stops and looks back over her shoulder. He’s standing with his shoulders hunched, staring in an unfocused way at the floor. His hand is resting on the shelf. He looks more upset than he should.

“Do you really want the cereal that much?” she asks.

He looks up, quick - and then looks away.

“No,” he says, “No. Just forget it.” He sighs and jogs a half step to catch up with her. 

“Okay,” she says, shaking her head. “If it makes you feel any better, you can pick out the banchan this week.”

He rolls his eyes. “Thanks, nuna.”

His tone is sarcastic, but he’s smiling. 

Sunhwa smiles too.

 

*****

Sunhwa’s apartment has a lot to recommend: the rooms are big, and the floors are laminate, and there’s a little balcony where she grows herbs in the summer. A few months after Youngjae moved in, they repainted, and all the rooms are cheerful and bright even if the pastel palette isn’t exactly what he would have picked if he’d had the choice.

But, the walls are thin.

They both know, and are politely discreet. Youngjae listens to music using headphones. Sunhwa keeps the volume on her dramas turned down. Youngjae jerks off in the shower, where the sound of running water drowns out any incriminating aural evidence.

Tonight, though, Youngjae has a headache and a fifty question problem set to work through. His door is shut, and he’s at his desk. He just wants to focus, and finish.

But Sunhwa is in her room, on the phone with her parents, and he can’t help but overhear.

“ … going very well, abeoji. I do stay late but it’s okay. I want to work hard.”

A pause. Youngjae glances down at the paper in front of him. The numbers swim.

“No, abeoji. No. I’m concentrating on my career for now. You know that I’m -”

He scribbles a few numbers. He ought to be able to figure this out, but he can’t keep anything straight in his head.

“ - get married. I know that you worry about me, but I’m only twenty five. A lot of women don’t get married until they’re in their thirties now, abeoji.”

She’s speaking quietly. It’s not easy to hear. Youngjae’s not trying to eavesdrop, but he knows the things her father asks. He knows how upset she gets after talking to him.

“ - miss me but I’m not coming back to Busan. I like it here. I have a house and a job and I don’t want to - ”

Youngjae puts his pencil down.

“ - not alone! I have … I have friends. I have Jieun and Hana and Hyosung. I have my boss. I’m not lonely.”

Youngjae listens, waiting, for her to say his name. When it comes down to it, she spends more time with him than with anyone.

“I miss you too. I know …”

Youngjae turns the page in his workbook. The problems he completed so easily earlier seem like they’re written in another language.

“ - worried. You have to trust me, abeoji. I’m fine by myself. Please.”

Youngjae stands up, suddenly. His stomach hurts. He pushes his desk chair in. He needs some water. That might settle his stomach. He steps towards the door, and then waits. She’s gonna say his name. She has to. How, after all this time, could she not say his name?

There’s a long moment of silence before Sunhwa speaks again. “I promise that I’m doing okay, abeoji. I love you, and I’ll see you soon, okay?”

Youngjae waits, but there’s just silence.

*****

\--BEEP--BEEP--BEE

Sunhwa flails in the general direction of the alarm clock. She misses the snooze button, but knocks the stupid thing to the ground. Either way, it shuts up; mission accomplished.

She arches her back and rolls over. It's way, way too early, but she needs to be at work at seven thirty today to prepare for a reception they're having for a team from Singapore. She sits up, slowly. Everything - the silence of the house, the dark stillness outside, the heavy weariness in her bones - makes her think she should still be asleep. 

Awake. Right. She can do it.

She stumbles into the halls, not even bothering to turn on the light. That's the nice thing about having her own place; she knows just exactly where everything is. There was a bad, dark period right after she came up from Busan when she stayed in rooms for let and study hotels. She had seven addresses in ten months, and she once gave herself a black eye when she woke up from a dream about her spacious room at her parents' house and then tripped right over the desk chair in her tiny, tiny room at the boarding house.

She yawns. Hmm. Coffee first, or the bathroom?

The bathroom wins out. She pushes open the door and …

"Hey!"

Youngjae is standing at the sink, with a towel around his waist and …

Sunhwa bites her lower lip, but it doesn't work, she bursts out laughing. "Yah, Yoo Youngjae, are you _shaving_?"

Youngjae's face immediately goes red, behind the mask of shaving foam. "Yeah," he mumbles. "So?"

Sunhwa grins. "I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I think I have more facial hair than you do."

The flush spreads down to his chest.

"Do not," he says, pouting. "I'm not a _kid_ anymore, nuna. I'm twenty one."

Sunhwa rolls her eyes. "Let's compare," she says. She grabs the wash cloth and wipes his face clean. He wrinkles his nose and tries to squirm away but she grabs onto his wrist. "Quit fussing."

"Nuna, you're so weird," he says, but he stays still, his eyes meeting hers in the mirror.

His face is clean. His cheeks are still flushed. The lighting in the bathroom isn't good. Youngjae's not the tallest guy, but he's taller than Sunhwa by a solid few inches.

"Lean down," she says.

He leans down, so their faces are level.

Sunhwa's got a little bit of slightly darker hair on her upper lip, on her cheeks. It's just the way she's made; she doesn't mind it. One of the secretaries once took her aside in confidence at work and asked if she knew that they made waxes and things to take care of that kind of problem. Sunhwa had smiled and thanked her, and said she did know.

She'd gotten to work early every day for a month after that, and removed every single one of the office supplies at that secretary’s desk - every pen, every pencil, every single paper clip.

A petty revenge, sure, but satisfying.

Youngjae's got good skin. She can see, just barely, a shadow of stubble on his chin, on his upper lip. It's so faint it might as well not be there.

She pats him on the cheek. "Maybe next year. Just looks like dust to me."

Youngjae frowns. "Nuna, honestly, look."

He leans forward, his chest to her back, and reaches for her hand, and …

Their eyes meet in the mirror again. This close she can feel the warmth of his body and smell the clean, soapy smell of him. She looks up.

Youngjae's usually quite modest. He never walks around the house in even his undershirt, let alone bare-chested. He goes to the gym with his friend Daehyun, she knows, but she hadn't realized how broad his shoulders had gotten, how different he looked from the round-cheeked teenager she first met. She can see that now: he's tall and broad shouldered, with surprising muscle in his arms, his shoulders.

He drops her hand and steps back, and then back again, until he's pressed against the wall.

Sunhwa swallows. "Fine," she says. She's still half asleep and she's half wondering if this might be a dream. Because. Youngjae? She never thought she'd want to do anything other than pat him on the head. She never thought she'd be at all curious about what he's got under that towel wrapped around his waist.

That thought is so startling she laughs. 

"What?" Youngjae eyes are huge. "Nuna, it's not that funny!"

"No," she agrees. "It's not funny at all. I'm sorry, Youngjae, for questioning your manliness."

He frowns. "You're making fun of me," he says.

"I'm not," she says. "I promise. I had no idea you were this icon of masculinity, this paragon of …"

"Ugh," he says. "Nuna, cut it out. Just let me finish."

She shakes her head. "Fine," she says. “Have fun.” She grins at him. His cheeks are still bright red.

She steps back out and pulls the door shut behind her. 

Her heart is beating fast. She pinches herself.

Not a dream.

Wow. Youngjae.

*****

Himchan grins. “These,” he says, “are for you.” He holds out an envelope.

Youngjae takes it, gingerly. The contents are probably innocuous, but with Himchan you never know. He opens it and looks inside.

“Tickets?”

“For when the Dooson Bears play the Lotte Giants,” Himchan says. “You’re going to ask Sunhwa.” He holds up his hands. “You don’t have to thank me. Making dreams come true is reward enough for me.”

Youngjae shakes his head. “Hyung, I don’t even like baseball. I don’t think Sunhwa has ever watched a game in her life.”

Himchan sighs, dramatically. “Youngjae-ya, use your imagination a little! You and Sunhwa, a spring night with just a little chill still in the air. You offer to get her a cup of hot chocolate and slip your arm around her shoulders. Events proceed."

Youngjae sighs, and hands the envelope back.

“Hyung, thanks, but I don’t think that’s going to work. I tried the aegyo thing you showed me and Sunhwa thought I was drunk.”

HImchan grins, rabbit-toothed. “That’s my fault,” he says. “My fault. I should have known not to start you off with something so difficult. Baby steps, Youngjae. Trust me, though. A baseball game is fool-proof.”

He hands the envelope back to Youngjae. Youngjae stares at it. Maybe he can’t picture the whole hot cocoa, arm around the shoulder thing working out well, but … well, he can’t see anything wrong with seeing a game together. If Sunhwa even agrees.

“What if she says no?”

Himchan shakes his head. “She’s not going to say no, Youngjae. Just trust hyung on this one.”

Youngjae rolls his eyes, but he slips the envelope into his pocket after Himchan walks away.

It’s not going to make things worse, at the very least.

*****

"Ah, Sunhwa." Changmin's smile is tired, and there are bags under his eyes. "Have you heard from the party from …"

Sunhwa nods. "They're at Incheon, the drivers have met them, and they'll be leaving for the hotel as soon as they get their luggage."

He exhales and nods. "Thank you," he says. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. I don't know what I'd do if you weren't here to keep these things in order …"

Sunhwa smiles, pleased. Changmin is a good boss, but he's rarely this effusive in his praise. "You'd find someone else, I'm sure," she says, because she knows it's true.

"Nobody like you," he says.

Sunhwa bites the inside of her cheek to keep herself from grinning. Changmin favors her with one more brilliant smile, scrubs his face with his hand, and turns away to call for someone else's attention. He is a busy man.

She's a fool, just like her father says. Her job is good, and she does well, but she's a fool for clinging to this tiny irrational hope that one day she and Changmin will dance on the beach in Sao Paolo.

She opens up another work request: a mundane trip from Seoul to Busan. She could fill this in her sleep. Outside her window, Seoul spreads out, winking and bustling in the spring sunshine.

Same old, same old. She sighs, and begins to fill in the purchase order.

*****

"Ah, I really don't know why you like to come to this place." Youngjae shoves his hands in his pockets.

Sunhwa glances at him out of the corner of her eye and scowls. "Because the food is good, and because Hyosung unni and Jieunnie like it."

Youngjae rolls his eyes. The food is good here, sure, but he's not picky. He'd be fine with a fried egg, some rice, and kimchi. He doesn't need avocado smoked-salmon salads and fig ricotta pancakes and …

"If you don't like it, you don't have to agree to come," Sunhwa says. She holds her purse closer to her side. It's crowded. Diners ready to be seated jostle them as they pass.

Youngjae blushes. He's not going to _turn down_ a free meal; think of what Daehyun would say. "I wanted to hang out with you," he says, not entirely disingenuously.

Sunhwa rolls her eyes. Then, she stands on her tip toes. "Ah, there they are!"

Hyosung, Hana, and Jieun are all dressed nicely. That's the kind of place this is: you dress up on Sunday morning and meet your friends for breakfast, and hope other people you know see you. Youngjae feels scrubby and out of place in his tee shirt and jeans. The girls laugh and kiss each other on the cheek - and they all kiss him on the cheek too.

"Our Youngjae is turning into such a young man," Hana says, pinching his cheek, hard.

Youngjae wrinkles his nose.

"So cute," Hyosung says, grinning at him.

He ducks his head. Stupid Sunhwa. Stupid friends. He's known them all for years but they still make him feel like a stupid kid.

Finally, they're seated. Their table is tucked into a corner, and Youngjae volunteers to take the very corner seat. Sunhwa's bag is at his feet and Hana's elbow is digging into his side. The girls are talking about a concert that Hana went to with Himchan and Yongguk the night before.

" … really not that good. Yongguk just falls in love with any pretty face who knows how to use GarageBand." Hana shakes her head.

Hyosung grins, huge and gummy. "That explains Himchan, huh?"

Hana takes a long sip of her mimosa, and then sets the glass down on the table with a thump. "Hey! Himchan might be a pretty face, but he's got talent to back it up. Not just anyone can get a scholarship to the National University of the Arts."

"It's so adorable," Jieun says, "the way you just leap to his defense."

Hana snorts. "He's my Channie. If I don't defend him, who's gonna?"

Youngjae rolls his eyes. Himchan, in his experience, has very little need of anyone to defend him.

Sunhwa shakes her head. "I think it's romantic," she says. "I think when you're so much in love with someone you should want to defend their faults."

Jieun laughs, bright and high. "Sunhwa, I'm sorry, but if you were in love you'd pick the person half to death before you defended them."

"Hey!" Sunhwa says. "That's not true!"

"You're kind of critical," Hana agrees.

"No I'm not," Sunhwa says. "I just have standards." She pouts, and crosses her arms over her chest.

"Impartial opinion time!" Hyosung grins. "Let's ask Youngjae."

Hana rolls her eyes. "Come on, he's not impartial. He's been in …"

Hyosung waves her hand and Hana falls silent, frowning. "Youngjae, what do you think? Is Sunhwa the kind to overlook someone's faults, or is she the kind who will pick on every little last imperfection?"

They all turn to look at him, and just then, the waiter arrives with their food. There's the general commotion of clinking glasses and clanging silverware as they clear room for the plates.

Youngjae thinks about a morning - a long time ago now - when Sunhwa caught him by the collar as he left. She tutted and told him she wasn't going to let him leave the house in a wrinkled shirt; she didn't want him to leave a bad impression. She unbuttoned it, and whisked it away to iron. He stood watching her in his undershirt, his hands tucked into his armpits and his cheeks burning. She'd handed him the ironed shirt and watched, smiling, as he put it back on. Anxious, thrown off schedule, he hugged her on an impulse - arms tight around her arms, aware of the smell of her shampoo, her pulse, _his_ pulse hammering in his chest …

She looked up at him, eyes wide but lips parted in a questioning smile. He'd left, then, before she had the chance to say anything.

The plates are settled. Youngjae's scrambled eggs and sausage smell good enough to make his stomach rumble. The waiter brings them all another round of mimosas - Youngjae doesn't even like orange juice, but Sunhwa had said that mimosas were a necessary part of brunch. Hana is cutting into her pancakes and Sunhwa is spreading her napkin in her lap. He's made it; the question is forgotten.

But - "So, Youngjae?" Hyosung smiles.

Youngjae swallows. "Uh. I think Sunhwa nuna does tend to notice imperfections - "

Hana laughs and claps her hands, and Sunhwa spits out, "Yah! Yoo Youngjae!"

"Wait," he says. "Wait! I was going to say, Sunhwa nuna does notice imperfections, but I think it's just because she doesn't want the people she cares about to be hurt or misunderstood because of some simple mistake. She’s a really caring person."

Jieun claps him on the arm. "You are just the sweetest, Youngjae!"

Youngjae rolls his eyes. "I just spend so much time with her," he mumbles, embarrassed. He cuts into his breakfast, and takes a big bite. 

But when he looks up, he's surprised to see that Sunhwa is still watching him with a vague, questioning expression on her face.

*****

The house is quiet when Sunhwa gets home. Youngjae texted her that he was staying late for a study group. She kicks her heels off in the entranceway and wriggles her toes in relief. It’s been a long day. They’re opening a new office in Singapore, and she’s been trying to coordinate the purchasing and installation of the office furniture. It’s new responsibility, something Changmin is trusting her with. She’s excited and she’s determined to do a good job, but it’s so much hard work.

She drops onto the couch. It’s been a few days since she’s picked up their mail. She clicks on the television and grabs the stack of envelopes out of her bag. Bill, bill, advertisement for a free cell phone upgrade, bill, bill …

The next envelope is thick, and scuffed from its long journey. The address is in English: Mr. Youngjae Yoo.

Sunhwa wrinkles her nose at that, but her stomach sinks. The post mark is from Australia.

It’s a letter from the school.

She knew it would come, of course. That’s the way things work. You apply to a school and then they tell you if you get in. Youngjae was bound to find out. Her ignoring the situation wasn’t going to make it go away.

Sunhwa’s got a bit of a sixth sense. She holds the envelope flat on her open palms and closes her eyes … but there’s no eerie premonition, no wave of relief, just the slightly sour twist of anxiety in her stomach that she’s felt every time she’s thought about Youngjae moving so far away.

Okay. She’ll just wait then.

She sorts through the rest of the mail. There’s a few more things for Youngjae. She stacks them together, with the letter from Australia at the bottom, and leaves them on the corner of the counter, just where she always leaves his mail for him.

He’ll tell her, once he opens it and finds out he’s gotten in, and she’ll do her best then to be happy for him. 

*****

“Um.” 

The game is Saturday. Youngjae can’t put off asking her any longer. 

Sunhwa looks up, frowning. “What?”

Youngjae swallows. “Uh … I …”

She’s wearing her pajamas and she has a face mask on. It’s the commercial break during her drama. He’s in pajamas too, and he feels young and stupid and like the biggest idiot in the world for taking Himchan’s advice.

“So. We. At work someone gave Yongguk hyung these tickets, but he can’t use them and Himchan can’t use them and Daehyunnie can’t use them so they gave them to me, and I know you don’t like baseball and I don’t really either but I was thinking it could be fun, or at least something different, if we went. Or. You know. If you just want to go I could give you the tickets because like I said I don’t even really like baseball that much and …”

“Stop, stop,” she says, shaking her head. “What was that? You got what?”

Youngjae wonders if he’ll be like this around everyone he ever likes, or if Sunhwa’s just a special case. He knows he can speak eloquently and keep his cool; whenever there are customer complaints at work Yongguk and Daehyun both make Youngjae handle them. It’s just with Sunhwa.

He takes a deep breath. “Yongguk hyung gave me tickets for a baseball game,” he says. “It’s this Saturday. I was thinking we could go …”

She tilts her head and stares at him. “To a baseball game?”

He nods.

Her eyes narrow. “Saturday? Who’s playing?”

Youngjae can answer that, at least. “The Dooson Bears and the Lotte Giants. I think Youngguk hyung though you might like to go because you’re from Busan.”

The drama starts again. She doesn’t say anything. Youngjae sits uncomfortable at the far end of the couch, his knees pressed together and his hands flat on his thighs. She’s not going to go with him. She’s not going to go, and he’s going to look like an idiot, and Himchan hyung is going to owe him _forever_ for making him make such an idiot out of himself. It’s not even like they don’t do things together. Sunhwa makes him do stuff all the time, like take cooking classes and go to the mall when nobody else is free, and even go with her once and get a pedicure. But those were all her ideas, not his, and she’s probably got much better things to do than indulge him …

The drama cuts to commercial break again. “Okay,” she says. “Let’s go to a baseball game.”

*****

“Yah, Youngjae,” Sunhwa whispers.

It’s bottom of the sixth inning and the Lotte Bears are up three runs to one. The hometown crowd is in low spirits, and the zippy organ music they play each time a new batter steps to the plate isn't doing anything to lift them. The people around them are disinterested. They check their phones or head to the concession stands for another round of drinks. Couples sit holding hands and whispering to each other.

Sunhwa sighs. She still has most of the popcorn Youngjae bought her and she’s not thirsty. She took a picture on her phone to send to her sister. She had no new texts.

"Hey! Youngjae!" If he'd wake up, at least she'd have someone to talk to.

Youngjae stirs. His long eyelashes flutter against his pale cheeks. He fell asleep halfway through the fifth inning, head nodding at first, and then jerking upright, and then nodding again until his chin was pressed against his chest.

If he stayed like that he'd wake up with an awful neck ache. Sunhwa had tugged on his arm until his head dropped, heavy, against her shoulder. He's stayed there, sleeping and still.

All around them there are couples: guys and their girlfriends, husbands and wives. It must be nice, Sunhwa thinks. She’s never had a real boyfriend, has hardly dated at all since high school. She's not shy, just busy. She doesn't have time to meet anyone, and she doesn't know many people here in Seoul who could introduce her.

Youngjae exhales, and presses closer to her. His arm is all gooseflesh, hair standing up. His skin is hot, though, where his bare arm is pressed against hers. It feels nice, she thinks, surprised.

The sharp snap of the ball hitting the bat cuts through the murmur of stadium noise. It looks like a good shot, and the crowd roars, but the dimensions of the stadium are deceiving. The left fielder lopes easily on an intersecting arc and the ball disappears neatly into his glove.

She sinks back in her seat. She gets her lipstick mirror out from her bag. There's not really any point in checking her makeup; she hasn't done anything and she's just here with Youngjae anyway. She purses her lips, and nudges him.

He doesn't wake - or at least his eyes don't open - but he reaches out and grabs her hand, linking their fingers together. 

Sunhwa tries to pull free, but he's really asleep, apparently, and she doesn't want to wake him.

It's not like it's so unpleasant, holding Youngjae's hands. His nails are bitten short, a bad habit she hasn't been able to break him of, but his fingers are long and square and she likes the way her hand looks slim and pale against his. 

Youngjae's never been anything but a dongsaeng to her. She's always found him cute enough in a serviceable way, like a puppy or a stuffed toy. But the other morning in the bathroom - and maybe it was only because she'd just woken up - but she'd seen the wide stretch of his shoulders and the smooth blocky muscle in his chest and she'd _wanted_ …

To anyone else here, she realizes, they must look like a couple.

Another crack: the ball goes soaring across the empty middle of the stadium. The announcers goad the crowd. Their roar grows. The ball is going, going … and hits the outfield wall, just below the yellow line. The crowd's roar fades into a disappointed moan. The ball careens across the outfield; the left fielder scoops it up. He throws to the shortstop, powerful. The runner is held at first.

Sunhwa sighs. Youngjae's hair has fallen across his face. With her free hand she brushes it back, gentle. His features aren't perfect: his nose is a little snub, and his eyes are two different shapes, and his chin a little bit uneven. She's always thought he was handsome enough; right now she thinks he looks beautiful.

Maybe she's a fool. Maybe she's suffering some kind of temporary mental break - this is Youngjae, after all. Maybe she’s been a fool all along.

Either way, she's too late. He's going to Australia. She squeezes his fingers in hers, and rests her head against his.

 

*****

Youngjae sits up. His neck is sore. The stadium is quiet. The stands are nearly empty, just some last lingering people down near the baselines. He fell asleep. He slept through the _whole thing_.

Sunhwa is blinking and sitting up. Her hair is mussed, and her cheek is red from where it was leaning against his head.

Youngjae looks down. They're _holding hands_. Oh god. He fell asleep on her and held her hand. Why is he even surprised that she thinks of him as some kind of infant?

Sunhwa follows his gaze. Her cheeks color, and she snatches her hand away. 

“Nuna, I’m sorry I fell asleep. I …”

She laughs, strained and a bit giddy, like she gets sometimes. "You idiot," she says, punching him on the shoulder. "You're the only person who would invite a girl to a baseball game and fall asleep on them."

“You could have just woken me up,” he says quietly, handing Sunhwa back her sweater. “You could have left me here.”

Sunhwa frowns at him. “Are you stupid? I’m not going to abandon you in a baseball game, dummy, especially not when you were nice enough to give me a ticket." She clears her throat. "Besides," she says, "I might have fallen asleep too. You're pretty comfy." She grins, huge, and ducks her head.

His heart throbs, quick. “Oh,” he says. 

“Come on,” she says, grabbing his hand. “You can buy me some teokbbokki on the way home to make up for it.”

*****

The waiter smiles as he hands them each another round of drinks. Sunhwa smiles up at him as she takes hers. It’s been a long day … a long week, really. She’d been settled in to stay late when Hyosung had texted her to say they were all meeting up at the bar near the office at six. She’d hesitated only a minute, and then Jieun had thrown a balled up piece of paper at her over the cubicle wall.

You’re coming out with us (☆^ー^☆)

“Who draws emoticons?” Sunhwa wondered out loud (loudly).

Jieun pelted her with another piece of paper, and then another, and then another until it looked like a small localized paper blizzard had struck her desk.

“Fine, fine,” she said, laughing and brushing bits of paper off her skirt. “I’ll go.”

She’s glad she agreed, now. It’s nice, being out just the four of them. They were all friends in college - best friends. She’d worried that after they graduated and started working and moved on into the real world things would change, but they haven’t. They don’t see each other quite as often; but that just means there’s more to talk about when they do.

The waiter departs, and Hana shakes her head. “Sunhwa, what’s wrong with you? If it looks like a date, and it smells like a date, it’s a date.”

Sunhwa shakes her head. “He was just being nice,” she says. “I knew you were going to turn this into some big mess. I shouldn’t even have …”

Hyosung shakes her head. “You brought it up,” she says happily. “Now it’s fair game.” Her grin is ridiculously delighted.

Sunhwa purses her lips. “I was just _overtired_ ,” she says. “I mean, Youngjae is …”

Hana rolls her eyes. “Youngjae is a cutie. I mean if I weren’t with Channie …” She spreads her hands.

Sunhwa isn’t going to smile. She’s not. “He’s too young for me,” she says, keeping her face straight. 

"He's twenty," Jieun says.

"Twenty one," Sunhwa corrects. "His birthday was in January."

Hyosung puts a hand on Sunhwa's arm. "Sunhwa, I hate to break it to you. Forget about a date - if I didn't know better, I'd say you were _dating_."

Sunhwa's cheeks are hot. She takes a sip of her cocktail. She knows they're just messing with her, but - "Don't be ridiculous."

Jieun smiles prettily. Turning to Hana, she asks, "When's Himchan's birthday?"

Hana looks up. "Oh. Ummm. April somethingth. I don't know. He starts reminding me like six months beforehand, so it's not like I can forget it."

Jieun looks triumphantly over at Sunhwa. "See?"

Sunhwa rolls her eyes. Now they're just being ridiculous. "I remember everyone's birthdays," she says. "Yours is May 5th, Hyosung unni's is October 13th and Hana's is February 2nd. And I remember when we were sophomores and we all went out ice skating for her birthday a Himchan brought that flask of brandy."

"My ass was sore for a month after that," Hyosung admits.

Hana snorts, amused.

"Hey!" Hyosung's cheeks are red. She doesn't hold her alcohol very well. "You know I didn't mean it like that …"

"We should have gone ice skating again this winter," Jieun says, sadly. "I had fun that night. Now we have to wait until next year."

Sunwha shakes her head. "There's an indoor rink at Lotte World . We had a party there for one of our clients."

Jieun's eyes light up. "Let's go! Why don't we go next weekend?"

Hana frowns. "I don't like ice skating. I never liked it, and I don't know why we had to go for my birthday. Just because it's in February …"

"You just don't like that you're terrible at it," Jieun says. "I think it's fun."

"It's cold," Hana says. "Let's go out to a club. Yongguk is deejaying at this really great place next weekend." She elbows Jieun. "I totally saw you checking him out last time. He and Himchan are on a break right now so if you want me to say something to him I …"

Jieun protests loudly.

Sunhwa sighs, glad they've moved on from her ridiculous, made-up, as good as impossible crush on Youngjae. The waiter comes back around, and she flags him down for another drink.

*****

Yongguk, in a disciplinarian mood, has set them to cleaning out the basement. Himchan was ordered down the dark stairwell with the rest of them, but as the hyung and the manager he's appointed himself a supervisor. He's sitting on the third step mourning the fact that his cell reception is bad while Daehyun and Youngjae tear into mildewed boxes of vintage records and Pavement tee shirts.

Youngjae tears open another box. A spider skitters out, and he recoils.

"So," Himchan says, "Daehyunnie told me the baseball tickets did the trick?"

"What?" Youngjae wrinkles his nose. "What are you talking about?"

Himchan purses his lips. "I'm talking you and Sunhwa, and some late night baseball romance."

"It wasn't like that," Youngjae says, roughly, heaving the first stack of records out of the box.

Daehyun scowls. "That's not what you told me. You said you held her hand."

Himchan pretends to fan himself. "Mercy me! Next thing you know she'll be slipping you a glimpse of ankle."

Youngjae really hates his coworkers, sometimes. "It really wasn't like that …" He'd been planning on lying if Himchan asked him how the baseball game went; telling blabbermouth Daehyun was clearly a fatal flaw to his plan. "I fell asleep."

He's glad it's so dim down here; they can't see him blush.

"You fell asleep holding her hand?" Daehyun groans. "Dude, that's so lame."

Himchan hushes him. "Wait, wait," he says. "Give him a chance. So, you were holding her hand, cuddling up close, and it was so cosy and nice you fell asleep?"

Youngjae shakes his hand. He scrunches his face - all the dust keeps making him sneeze. "No," he says. "I fell asleep and … I just ended up holding her hand."

"You held her hand in your sleep?" Daehyun shakes his head. "Youngjae, your subconscious has got better moves than you do."

Great. Just great. Youngjae's apparently getting out-flirted by a dream.

Himchan sighs, though. "Well, it's not the grand romantic gesture I was hoping for," he says, "but it is kind of sweet." He nods, determined. "You're just going to take her on another date, something really romantic … maybe there's a restaurant you two like?"

Youngjae frowns. They don't really eat out much … "Well," he says at last, "She did insist on coming to help me pick out a suit for the graduation thing."

Daehyun and Himchan look at each other.

"That sounds like the worst date ever," Daehyun says. "You're making her pick out your clothes?"

"No," Youngjae says, annoyed. "I was just going to wear this jacket I have but she said it was no good and said she was going to pick me out a new one. I told her she could pick out whatever she wanted but she said I had to come to make sure it fit right." It's not like he _wants_ to go shopping - not even with Sunhwa.

Himchan sighs. "Oh Youngjae. I'm afraid on the romance scale I'm going to have to rate that a negative ten. Come up with something better, and you can resubmit the assignment tomorrow for full marks."

Youngjae scowls. "I don't know how I'm going to have time to do that, considering Yongguk said we had to stay until we were finished. Maybe if someone helped instead of …"

Himchan (who really is a good guy) sighs dramatically. "Fine," he says. "Fine. Let nobody says I let my dongsaengs suffer alone."

He heaves a big, moldering box towards him. He tears open the lids and a spider scurries up his arm.

Himchan's shrill, alarmed scream is a little satisfying, Youngjae has to admit.

*****

Sunhwa shakes her head. "I don't know why I thought he could manage this on his own, unni. You should have seen the suit he came back with. He looked like a little kid playing dress up."

Hyosung grins. "You're so cute, Sunhwa-ya." 

She holds up another shirt: patterned in purple and black. Sunhwa shakes her head; it's hideous, and not at all Youngjae's style.

"I'm just trying to be a good friend. If he goes to the graduation luncheon looking like a slob everyone's going to think he's got no sense." She holds up a jacket: grey with a subtle pattern in a just darker shade.

Hyosung shakes her head this time. "Riiight," she says. "I'm sure that's your only motivation."

Sunhwa wrinkles her nose. "I told you - he's leaving. Even if I … Unni, he's _leaving_."

Hyosung holds up another jacket: black with slim lapels, with a matching shirt in crisp white.

"That's nice," Sunhwa says, approvingly.

Hyosung grins. "You just like having a life-size Ken doll, don't you?"

"He's not a _Ken doll_ ," Sunhwa says.

"Well, I hope he's not too much like a Ken doll," Hyosung says. "That would make things a little bit difficult if the two of you ever decided to …"

Sunhwa claps her hand over Hyosung's mouth. "Unni! He's not!" There are ajhummas all over this store. She leans close and whispers, "Besides, there are plenty of other things we could do …"

Hyosung grins in scandalized delight. "Go take him the jacket!"

Sunhwa shakes her head, annoyed. It was a mistake to say _anything_ to Hyosung and the girls. They're never going to let her hear the end of it. It's not like this is some romance novel; her burning desire isn't going to make her throw herself at Youngjae's feet. She snorts. He's just … pretty, even if it's taken her way too long to realize it.

The smarmy, orange-shirted dressing room attendant is distracted with another customer.

Sunhwa looks both ways and ducks past the counter into the men's dressing room.

"Hey!," she calls. "Yoo Youngjae. Did you fall in?"

Muffled, from the far end, he replies. "It's a dressing room, not a bathroom. What are you doing in here?"

"Checking up on you," she says. "I found more for you to try on, but I want to see what I gave you, first."

"It's all fine," Youngjae says.

Sunhwa crosses her arms. "I'll decide that," she says. "Come out."

The door to the very last stall opens, and Youngjae skulks out, slouching, with his hands in his pockets. He shrugs his shoulders. "See? Fine."

It's not bad. The suit is navy and the shirt is off white, which looks good against his tan skin. The cut is no good, though. It's too boxy. She picks at the sleeve.

"I don't like it," she says. She holds up the jacket she found. "Try this one."

"Nuna, what's the difference? This one's blue. That one's black. It's just a _jacket_ -"

" … And if you're looking to get more use out of it, you'll find that our range of wrinkle-free shirts coordinates beautifully with this suit. You can even wear the jacket with …"

The clerk is showing a customer into the dressing room. Youngjae's eyes go wide.

It's not like Sunhwa's breaking any laws or anything, but … she pushes Youngjae back into the dressing room and pulls the door closed behind them

"What are you doing?" he whispers. "Are you crazy?"

"Shut up," she says, climbing onto the little stool in one corner.

Youngjae's jeans and tee shirt are tossed carelessly on the floor. Outside, the salesman is still extolling the virtues of those wrinkle-free shirts. Sunhwa's still holding the other jacket and shirt. She shoves them at Youngjae.

"Get changed," she hisses.

Youngjae glares at her, but he slips off the navy jacket. He hangs it back on the hanger; it slips to one side.

'Neatly!' Sunhwa mouths silently.

" … nothing more impressive than a man in a nice suit," says the awful clerk, from right outside their door.

Youngjae unbuttons one button, glances up at Sunhwa, and then turns around.

Sunhwa rolls her eyes. The whole room is mirrored. She can still see his reflection, and the even nicer sight of broad shoulders in that dress shirt.

" … and of course we have a collection of coordinating ties. If you're interested …"

The customer murmurs some vague assent.

Youngjae slips the shirt off. Sunhwa's skin is fair; his is a few degrees less so - the color of coffee with a lot of milk. He's got a freckle right in the junction of his neck and his shoulder. She follows the long line of his spine until it disappears under the waistband of his pants and …

Well, maybe Hana has a point. She's got to have something wrong with her vision not to have noticed that ass …

Youngjae looks up. Sunhwa's eyes snap up. She's blushing. Youngjae is bright red, and the red is spreading across his neck, his chest. She grabs the other jacket from where he hung it and shakes it at him.

He narrows his eyes, and grabs it from her. Youngjae slips on the other shirt; it fits close through the shoulders, the arms. He looks quick to Sunhwa. She gives him a thumbs up.

"… as busy as a city man is these days, you aren't always going to have time to iron," the clerk says, smoothly. "If you have a few of these shirts on hand you won't _ever_ have to worry about that."

The customer has apparently been overwhelmed.

"Ah, excellent," says the clerk. "I'll just go get a few more shirts while you get started …"

There's a loud knock, then, on the door of _Youngjae's_ stall.

Sunhwa claps her hands over her mouth. It's not funny. It's really not, but Youngjae's eyes are round with horror.

"I'm in here!" His voice cracks, awkward.

"Oh excuse me!" The clerk is flustered. "I'm so sorry. Sir … Sir, I'm sorry. Please sir, this way." He leads his customer down to the other end of the dressing room.

Sunhwa can barely stand it. She collapses back against the wall.

"What?" Youngjae asks. His hands are on hips, and the shirt is still hanging off his shoulders, unbuttoned. "What?"

"Ahh," She says, holding her stomach. "Your face. And your voice."

She laughs so hard she starts to hiccup. She pats her cheeks.

Youngjae is blushing and awkward now, looking at the ceiling, the floor, anywhere except meeting Sunhwa's eyes.

"Hey," she says. "Help me down."

It's not like she really _needs_ his help, but she's glad for his steadying hand and when she stumbles and catches herself with an arm around his waist, it's entirely an accident. Entirely.

His skin is warm and soft. Her cheek is pressed against his bare chest and she can feel his sides move as he breathes.

She looks up. He's utterly still, watching her.

She feels giddy - stupid from the feel of his skin and oh. This isn't good. This is not good.

She jumps back, and straightens her dress. "Put that one on," she says. "And come out and show me."

"Yes, nuna," he says, awkward.

She nods, and clears her throat. "And when we get home, I'm going to makes sure you know how to iron."

He looks up, frowning. "I know!" he says.

"Ah," she says. "Well I'll be the judge of that." She straightens her dress again. "Now don't take all day."

*****

Daehyun's eyes are wide. "Dude," he says, "Himchan hyung was totally wrong. I guess shopping dates are actually pretty awesome."

Youngjae considers, staring down at his lunch. Yongguk and Himchan are both out today. They're permitted under these circumstances to eat at the counter. He's probably blushing again, but so what? Maybe it was just a ridiculous accident, but he can't stop thinking about the way Sunhwa felt when she - fell into his arms? No, that makes it sound like some storybook swoon, and it hadn't been like that at all. It had just felt like his skin and her skin had been drawn together.

"Pretty awesome," he agrees.

Daehyun shoves some rice into his mouth. He swallows. "So, did you like …" He mimes jerking off.

"In the dressing room?" Youngjae grimaces. "No, don't be stupid. Weren't you listening? There were other people in there."

"Oh," Daehyun says. "Right." He eats more rice.

Youngjae sighs. Daehyun is the definition of indiscrete, but he's also his best friend. "I needed to take a shower when I got home anyway …"

*****

Youngjae is frowning at the mirror, tugging at the sleeves of his jacket, worrying his hair. Today is his department's graduation luncheon. He hasn't said anything about getting an award, but Sunhwa thinks he must be; she can tell by the way he keeps looking at himself in the mirror, by the nervous way his hands shake. 

"Cut it out," Sunwha says, pushing his hands down to his side. "You look fine. Trust me."

He looks over his shoulder at her. Her hands are still on his wrist. He bites his lower lip.

"I wish you could come with me," he says.

Sunhwa swallows. She wishes she could too. She wishes more than anything she could. "Ah, don't make me feel guilty, you awful kid. Ever since Changmin-ssi got the promotion, I've had too much to do. I can't take any time off until they hire his replacement.."

She steps back.

"I know you have to work," he says. "I just wish you could be there." He smiles - unselfconscious and beautiful. "I wouldn't want to deprive nuna of the chance to take embarrassing pictures of me."

"Ah," she says, ignoring the ache in her heart. "I've got plenty of embarrassing pictures of you."

Youngjae nods. He looks back at the mirror, and tugs at his jacket again.

"Hey!" Sunhwa catches his hand. "Stop that. I told you, you look very handsome."

He pulls a face and won't look at her. The whole time she's known him, Youngjae's always been awful at accepting compliments.

"What? You think I'm lying? You think I have bad taste?"

He shakes his head, and wrinkles his nose at her.

"Hmmph," she says, and she pinches his cheeks. "Don't fight it. You're cute."

He smiles but it doesn't cut through the guilt she feels. He doesn't play games. He isn't trying to make her feel bad on purpose. He just wishes she could be there. He's so … stupid, and so sweet about things like this. It makes her want …

She leans up on her tip toes and kisses him, and he turns his head at the last moment so the kiss doesn't land on his cheek like she intended, but on his lips. Her hand is still on his wrist; she strokes the soft skin over his wrist bone with her thumb. His eyes close, and he makes a quiet noise in the back of his throat. He opens his mouth to hers and she kisses him.

It's not fireworks behind the eyelids, or anything like that, but Sunhwa's heart is still pounding. He's shy and tentative and more awkward about it than he should be, but his other hand comes up and rests on the small of her back. He smells a bit too strongly of cologne, and ordinarily that would be something to tease him about but now she just wishes he weren't wearing it so she could smell the normal sweat and soap smell of him. She closes her eyes, and presses closer. She wishes he'd bring his arms up around her and hold her close, hold her like he never, never wants to let her go …

The doorbell rings.

She opens her eyes wide. His head falls back against the mirror.

"That must be the car," Sunhwa says. She's not _flustered_. It's just … she just … they just … She kissed Youngjae.

Youngjae nods. His eyes are huge.

She brushes some invisible lint off his shoulders, brushes his hair off his face, hopes he can't tell her hands are trembling.

"I'm sorry I can't come," Sunhwa says. "Good luck."

Youngjae nods, and swallows, and opens the door.

Sunhwa waits for the sound of the elevator door closing, and falls against the mirror herself. "Han Sunhwa, you're such an idiot,” she says to herself, and she sits there for a while with her chin pressed to her chest, and then she gets up and gets back to work.

*****

"Are you coming?" Jieun's arms are folded over her chest and she's frowning.

Sunhwa shakes her head. "No," she says. "I've got too much to do. I'm going to stay here and …"

"Yeah," Jieun says. "I know. You're going to stay here and work through lunch."

Sunhwa shrugs. It's not like she can help that they've unloaded all of Changmin's work on her after he got promoted. He's offered to help, but he's so busy in his new role there's only so much she can do.

"Well," Jieun says. "It's too bad. Minsoo just broke up with that terrible account manager she was seeing. She's dying to tell us what an awful, no good, low life he is."

Sunhwa laughs. "I'll come for the next break up."

Jieun shakes her head again. "Oookay," she says. "If you decide you want some meaningful human interaction this week, you know where we'll be."

Sunhwa nods. "I'm fine," she says, more to herself than to Jieun, who's already gone.

She is fine, for the most part. It's just - she feels so _dumb_ lately, totally deserving of the awful nickname she fought so hard to lose in college. Blank paper Sunhwa - the airhead, the ditz, the sap. She's trying her best to keep up with all the new work she's been given but it's hard and nobody ever sat down with her and gave her an instruction manual or anything. Changmin gave her a bunch of his notes, scribbled in a cramped hand and not all that easy to read, and they've been a huge help, but she's still half convinced that she's going to forget something critically important and show up to work one morning to find a pink slip waiting for her.

She takes her lunchbox from her purse and opens it. Youngjae packed it for her - rice and side dishes, grilled chicken. Nothing fancy, but that's okay. Working through lunch is okay, too. It's not like she's going to do it forever - just until she feels like she's got a bit more of a handle on things. She can get through another few of these spreadsheets and eat her lunch and besides, maybe she doesn't want to _hear_ about Minsoo's latest breakup. She's always dating someone new, which is fine. Sunhwa envies her that. Her breakups are fast and venomous, and usually it's great fun to hear her dish all her ex's dirty secrets.

But right now it just makes Sunhwa feel young, and stupid. She's in over her head at work and she's can't even deal with the thought of her _roommate_ leaving, let alone breaking up with an actual boyfriend.

She closes her eyes. She doesn't mean to think about the kiss. It just keeps happening, as soon as she's not focusing on something else. She's gone out of her way to avoid Youngjae since it happened, leaving early for work and staying as late as she can, and she still can't stop thinking about it.

"Sunhwa-ssi."

Sunhwa looks up. She's not technically supposed to be eating at her desk, and she doesn't think anyone will yell at her for it, but …

"I need to talk to you about my flight to Singapore this week."

She sighs, and puts the lid back on her half-eaten lunch. "Yes, of course. What can I help you with?"

 

*****

A warm rain falls steadily against the corrugated overhang that covers the back door. The drops echo ping-ping loudly against the metal. It's spring now and ambitious weeds push up through the cracked cement of the back stoop. Youngjae tucks his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around his knees and watches the water fall.

"Wow," Daehyun says.

Youngjae frowns. Daehyun isn't known for offering the most insightful advice, but … "Wow? That's all you've got to say?"

Daehyun shrugs. "Well," he says, "can you blame me for being surprised that Sunhwa nuna would kiss a scrubby kid like you?"

Youngjae kicks at him, awkward, but Daehyun ducks out of the way.

"She did," he says. "I'm not making it up."

"Man," Daehyun says. "You have all the luck. You've had a crush on Sunhwa for years and are too chicken to say anything, and _then_ you go and mess it all up, and she still kisses you."

Youngjae frowns. "I didn't … I don't think she meant to."

Daehyun snorts. "What happened then? She was overwhelmed by your manly charms?"

Youngjae opens his mouth but … Well, okay. That does seem kind of unlikely.

"I don't know," he says. "Things happened. She kissed me. We … didn't talk about it."

"You've gotta talk about it," Daehyun says. "You know the second Himchan finds out he won't rest until you've called her."

"I know," Youngjae says, unhappy. He's not stupid. He knows that they have to talk about it. He's just a little scared of what Sunhwa is going to say. "She's been working all the time, and I've been busy with school, and …" 

"Tell her tonight," Daehyun says. "When you get home."

"She's working late tonight," Youngjae says. "Her boss just got a promotion and she's been doing a ton of extra work until they find a replacement."

"When is she going to eat dinner?"

Youngjae shrugs.

Daehyun looks appalled. Then, he snaps his fingers. "I've got a great idea."

 

*****

The ringing in her ears, Sunhwa realizes, is her phone.

"Ah," she says. "Hello?"

"Nuna?" It's Youngjae.

"What are you doing here?"

Youngjae doesn't say anything. Then he says, "Can you come get me?"

A thread of alarm shoots through her. "Are you okay? Where are you? Do I need to call the cops?"

"No, no," he says. "I mean, come let me up. I'm downstairs."

She blinks. The clock on her computer says it's quarter to ten. She's _exhausted_ , but she's pretty sure this isn't a hallucination. "You're here?"

"I'm here," he says. "Come let me up."

In the elevator, on the way back up, she watches their blurred reflections in the brushed metal doors.

"Why didn't you go to Himchan's party?"

Youngjae shrugs. "I didn't feel like it."

"Where'd you get all that?" He's carrying bag heavy with tupperware containers.

"I made it," he says. 

Sunhwa frowns. "You stayed home on Friday night to … cook."

Youngjae shrugs. "It's what we normally do," he says. "What we used to do, anyway."

Sunhwa stares at her feet. She's been working so much. It's been weeks since they've had dinner together - or at least anything more than instant ramen.

"Thanks," she says quietly.

Youngjae doesn't say anything.

The office is so strange and quiet this late at night that it doesn't feel so weird to have Youngjae there. He's been once or twice before, but only just stopping by to drop something off for her. It's still a bit strange, to have to two halves of her life folding together like this, but … she's glad.

Youngjae spreads a blanket on the empty desk two down from Sunhwa's. He's made a real meal: rice and tons of banchan and kimchi stew and even beef fried in sesame oil. Sunwha's stomach grumbles.

Youngjae looks up at her, smirking. "I guess I'm not such an awful cook after all."

"Yah," Sunwha says. "I just didn't have the chance to eat lunch." 

He brought the dishes and things from home. It must have been heavy, carrying it all this way on the subway. He looks tired, too, with dark circles under his eyes.

"You didn't have to do this," she says.

"I wanted to," he says. "You've been working too hard." There's no reproach in his voice. He's not even looking at her, just quietly scooping rice into a bowl.

Sunhwa takes the rice. "There's a lot to do," she says. "Now that Changmin's been promoted there are a lot of things that I need to help him with, until his old position is filled."

Youngjae chews. "Are you going to get his old job?"

Sunhwa breathes in. "I don't think I have the experience that they're …"

"Isn't that why you've been working this hard, though?" There's no anger in his voice, no accusation, just … confusion. 

Sunhwa nods. "I have," she says, "but I don't have an MBA. I don't even have a business degree and there are people who have degrees from American schools and years more experience and …"

"They know you," Youngjae says. "Doesn't that make a difference? Isn't Changmin-ssi going to recommend you?"

Sunhwa sets down her bowl of rice. Changmin hasn't offered a recommendation. She doesn't have the courage to ask him. "Listen, Youngjae, don't worry about it. It's not your problem. I know that if I work hard enough they're going to recognize that and …"

"You've been working hard," Youngjae says, not looking up. "Nuna, you've been working hard for a really long time and it's not making you _happy_."

It's not fair, the way she tears up. She's not even sad, exactly. It's just …

"I'm fine," she says, keeping her voice steady. "Youngjae, I'm fine."

He looks up, biting his stupid lower lip like he always does when he's worried. "Nuna …"

"Youngjae," she says, and she's really crying now. "Just stop, okay? You don't have to worry about me. I'm _fine_." She wipes her eyes with the back of her hands. There's a big messy smudge where her mascara's run. Great. Now she's going to have to go home looking like a raccoon.

"Nuna," Youngjae says, sounding miserable. "I always worry about you. You're not ..."

"I _am_ ," she says. "Youngjae, I'm fine. I'm an _adult_. I don't need you to worry about me. You're going … you're going to Australia." The tears are flowing freely down her face; it's bad, this, but she feels like all the bad empty feelings she's been pressing away since Youngjae first told her are spilling out. "Listen, you've done enough, Youngjae. You were a good roommate, but I'll find someone else, right? I know I'll find someone else. Changmin-ssi got his promotion, but I'm sure my new boss will be fine, and so what if I fell in love with you? It's just … separation sickness. Yeah. I'm just overreacting because I never realized now much I liked you until you told me you were going away."

He looks as bad as she feels. "Nuna, I'm not …"

"No," she says, wiping her eyes again, smearing the mascara more. She's still crying, which is ridiculous. "Youngjae, please. I don't want to hear it. Just … just leave me alone, okay?"

"Nuna," he says. "Sunhwa. I'm not …"

She laughs. She knows he's put this off because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings, but she's not going to let him be so stupid. "This is a great opportunity for you. I know you're worried about me, but you don't have to be. I want you to go. Just go. You're just … you're just some dumb kid, you know? There are tons of dumb kids out there. I'm going to be _fine_."

Youngjae closes his eyes. "I know," he says.

"What?" Her voice is rough, from her tears.

"I know I'm just some dumb kid," he says.

She nods. Her hair is hanging long and tangled around her face. "That's right," she says. "You're just some dumb kid who needed a place to stay, and I owed Himchan a favor. That's it."

He gets up. His chopsticks roll across the floor. "That's it?"

She nods. Her eyes ache, and her throat is sore. "That's it," she says.

"Fine," he says. He grabs his backpack. He waits, watching, for a long moment, his big eyes lined with dark lashes, his stupid nose. Then the moment is over and he's gone, and she can hear the elevator ding as it arrives at her floor, and she's all alone.

"Fine," she says again. It is fine. It will be fine. She just wishes she could stop crying.

*****

Youngjae is quiet as he opens the door, not that there's any need to be. It's quarter after ten in the morning. Everyone is at work or school and the apartment building is quiet.

He kicks off his sneakers, and sighs. There's no point in going into school now, and he really needs a shower. It was nice of Daehyun to offer to let him crash at his room at the study hotel last night, but he couldn't bring himself to deal with the communal showers this morning. There's some things he's not …

"You came back." Sunhwa is sitting on the couch, wearing an old pink night gown and her slippers. Her hair is a mess. Her eyes are red. "Where were you?"

Youngjae swallows. "I stayed with Daehyun last night," he says. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you at work?"

Sunhwa frowns. "I called in sick."

"Sick?" In all the time that Youngjae's known her, Sunhwa's never once called in sick to work. "What's wrong? Do you have a fever? Do you need a doctor? Should I call …?"

She laughs, short and harsh. "I'm not really sick," she says. "What do you think? You stormed out last night and then I got home and you weren't here and you weren't answering your cell phone. I had no idea where you were. I nearly called your mom in Melbourne."

Youngjae hadn't thought … When he left, she didn't want to see him. "My phone died after I got to Daehyun's," he says slowly. "I didn't bring my charger." He bows, and says, formally, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you, Sunhwa-ssi."

She gets to her feet, hands on hips. "Sunhwa-ssi? Don't Sunhwa-ssi me. Do you know how worried I was? I didn't sleep at all!"

Youngjae frowns. "I thought … you didn't … you said I was just some kid."

"Yah! Are you stupid?" Her eyes are damp, and she keeps wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "If you were just some kid … if I didn't care about you, do you think I would have gotten that upset?"

Youngjae shakes his head. 

Sunhwa exhales, and sits down. "I know I must be going crazy," she says, half to herself, "but I like you, Youngjae. I like you a lot. I like you as a friend, and a roommate, and I like you as more than that too, maybe. I'm really excited for you. You're going to be going to a great school, and you're going to be near your family, and I don't have any right to stand in the way of that happiness, I just … I wish I'd realized sooner."

Youngjae stares. "Nuna, I …"

"No," she says. "It's okay. You don't owe me anything. You've been a great roommate all these years and I don't even have any right to expect more than that. I mean, why would you even like an old woman like me?"

"Nuna," he says again.

"Really," she says. "I didn't mean to get upset. I've just been going through a lot at work, and there's …"

He shakes his head, and, dropping his bag on the floor, goes into his room. The letter is there, where he left it on his desk. He grabs it, and drops it on the coffee table, right in front of Sunhwa.

*****

Sunhwa's heart starts to break into about a million little pieces, again, but Youngjae is only gone a moment before he's back, with an envelope.

"Look," he says, handing it to her.

It's his - addressed to him anyway. "What's this?"

"It's my admissions letter," he says. There are dark circles under his eyes and he looks really tired - like he hasn't slept at all either.

She turns the envelope over and over in her hand. The postmark is from Australia, all right, but … "It's not opened?" She doesn't understand.

Youngjae shakes his head. "I didn't open it."

"What?" She hands him back the letter. "Why didn't you open it? Open it right now."

He shakes his head. "I'm not going to," he says. "I didn't when I got it, and I'm not going to now."

"You might have gotten into one of the best business schools in the world and you didn't even open it? Yah, what kind of idiot are you?" What a silly, ridiculous boy he is, she thinks, but her eyes are watering again. She wipes them with her sleeve. This amazing opportunity is right in his hands, and he hasn't even opened the letter.

He shakes his head. "No," he says. "I thought about it, and I don't want to." He closes his eyes. "Maybe you just realized it, but I've known for a long time. I .. I want to stay here with you, nuna. I like you."

She wonders if she's heard him wrong. "What?" No, she just wants to hear him say it again.

His cheeks turn delightfully red. "I want to stay here," he mumbles. "I talked to my mom. She was upset, but she understands that my _life _is here. I can go visit my parents any time. I want to stay here.."__

__She feels like there are butterflies fluttering around in her heart, but she learned at some point not to put too much trust into that feeling._ _

__"Open it," she says, shoving it back across the table at him._ _

__"No," Youngjae says. "Nuna, what's the point of opening it? I don't care about …"_ _

__"Open it!" He's such a stupid, foolish, idiot sometimes. "Just open it! Don't you want to know?"_ _

__"No," he says, and he smiles, all white teeth and cheeks. "Whether I got in or I didn't get in, it doesn't matter. I know I want to be right here, with you."_ _

__*****_ _

___Six Months Later_ _ _

__"I don't want to go."_ _

__"You're awful."_ _

__Youngjae shakes his head. His bare arms are wrapped tight around her stomach, and his face is pressed against her side. He slides his foot in-between hers, clinging._ _

__"I'm sleepy," he says, muffled._ _

__Sunhwa runs a finger through the soft hair at the nape of his neck. "We just woke up."_ _

__Youngjae shrugs. She wants to run her hands over the smooth tawny skin on his shoulders. He pushes up her tank top and presses a kiss to the skin over her ribs. His fingers creep higher, soft and a little ticklish._ _

__Of all the things Sunhwa had barely dared dream about, this hadn't even been on the list. Now these mornings together, in her bed with clean sheets and soft pillows, are her favorites. She smiles, and pulls him over so he's lying on top of her, solid and warm. His leg is between hers, and he smiles at her, delighted and wide, and …_ _

__Her phone chirps. She has a text._ _

___Where r u guys???_ _ _

__It's from Hyosung._ _

__"Ah," Sunhwa says, annoyed. "Come on." She pokes Youngjae in the side. "Get up. We're already late."_ _

__Youngjae, bracing himself on his elbows, scowls. "We just had brunch with them last weekend, and we were all at Himchan and Hana's place the other day. Why do we need to get brunch again?"_ _

__He's really the worst, sometimes. "Because," she says. "It's a tradition."_ _

___If you don't show up soon we're going to eat without you ^__^'_ _ _

__That's Jieun, of course._ _

__Sunhwa shoves Youngjae onto his side. "Come on," she says. "Get up. You don't even have to take a shower. I'll tell them we can be there in fifteen minutes."_ _

__Youngjae sprawls on his back, eyes closed. "Nuna, let's not go. I don't want to get up."_ _

__She narrows her eyes. They have plans. "What am I supposed to tell them?"_ _

__He shrugs again. "Tell them it's really, really, really important that I eat you out. Right now." He smiles, and she guesses he thinks it looks seductive or something. She won't ever tell him it just looks adorable. She doesn't care, anyway._ _

__"You really want me to tell them that?"_ _

__"I don't care what you tell them, as long as we don't have to go."_ _

__She nods. "Fine."_ _

__She starts typing and he tries to sit up and peer over her shoulder, but she pushes him away with a foot to the stomach. "Nope," she says. "I'm the one in charge of communicating your important plans."_ _

__"Wait," he says. "Nuna, wait. Who are you sending that to? Are you actually going to …"_ _

__"Too late," she says, and she'd be lying if she said she weren't blushing a little bit herself._ _

__Well. It's not like it's going to be a surprise, not after that time everyone came over for dinner and they'd lost track of time and …_ _

__Youngjae's phone, on the far side of the bed, buzzes. He's got a text too._ _

__"Hmmm," Sunhwa says. "Who could that be?"_ _

__Youngjae lunges for his phone, but Sunhwa gets it first. "Ah," she says._ _

__"Who is it? Who did you text? Daehyun? Because if he says one thing …"_ _

__"It's from Himchannie," Sunhwa says._ _

__"You told _Himchan_?" Youngjae's cheeks turn bright red. "Great."_ _

__"He says, 'Youngjae, good job. Hyung taught you well!!!'"_ _

__Youngjae rolls over, so his back is to her._ _

__She smiles, and wraps her arms around his waist, this time. "You know they already know."_ _

__He's stiff-backed and annoyed for a moment, but she runs her fingers up and down the length of his spine, presses a kiss to the back of his neck._ _

__"I'm not talking to you," he says, sulky and embarrassed (she can tell by how reds the tips of his ears are)._ _

__She smiles. "That's fine," she said. "Your mouth is going to be otherwise occupied, isn't it?"_ _

__He's still for a minute, and then he starts shaking with silent laughter. Stupid, ridiculous, giggly kid, she thinks. He turns to her then, bright eyed and no longer able to feign anger, and she kisses him._ _


End file.
